The struggle within
I have suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life. I usually don’t share this with anyone. I remember in middle school and high school, I would hear audible, negative voices in my head. It was a battle then, and though those voices have been quieter as I’ve gotten older, the battle is still ongoing.
Whenever I’m around people they think I’m happy most of the time because of the evident smile on my face. What most people don’t know is the struggle that happens internally and behind closed doors. I don’t know about other people who struggle with anxiety and depression, but for me, those struggles are really hard to articulate. There have been times when I would just cry because there are no words for it. It feels heavy and it hurts physically, emotionally and mentally.
I wish I could take a magic pill to make everything okay, but unfortunately, that’s not how it works. Even though it’s a struggle, I’ve committed daily to fight it and to push through it. There are times when I lose, but there are also times I win.
What has helped me
I once read someone say that the opposite of depression is purpose. I really believe this. It’s knowing the purpose that has given me light during the darkest moments. Knowing that I’m placed here on earth for a purpose and I have a mission to complete is what keeps me going.
If I’m being honest with myself, my purpose is not fully clear to me, but what I do know is I have a desire to make an impact on people. Whenever I look back at the previous years, I recollect the influence I made on others. I saw how I was specifically placed at the right time and place to encounter a person or host an event that helped many people.
Even though the full picture of my purpose isn’t completely apparent to me at this current moment, I believe that as I continue living my life and look back, I’ll see the dots connected and the picture fully painted as if it was meant to be that way.
If you’re in the same boat and are suffering in anxiety and depression, I suggest figuring out what your purpose is.
Here are three questions to finding your purpose:
- What do you love to do? Do more of what you enjoy. When I went through depression, my mind and body felt like they were in a dark place. Doing what you love brings a light in a dark place. Your purpose is connected to your happiness. Take some time to do what you love.
- What can you do for others? – Perhaps even after asking yourself the question above, you still have no clue what your purpose is, that’s okay. What can you do with your time to help other people? Is volunteering appealing? Is it helping others with their taxes or their website? Sometimes when we’re caught up in our anxieties, we can be in our head. Get your mind off of yourself and on to others. A selfless act will give you a sense of purpose that’s different from doing things for yourself.
- How do you envision your life in the future? Take some time to imagine your life in the future. What does that look like? How does it make you feel? Picturing how my future comes together always gives me hope and have a desire to see it come to fruition. Try it out and take steps that move you closer to your vision.
I’ve become a stronger person because of all the struggles I’ve gone through including my anxieties and depression.
The reason why I decided to write this post is because it’s been weighing heavily on my heart over the past few weeks. I wanted to reach out to those who felt alone or are struggling in this area. Know that you’re not alone. I wish I could give you a big hug or be silent together or lend you a shoulder to cry on.
Everyone – including celebrities who seem to have their lives together – have their own struggles. Instead of being one of the ones who end their story, write your life story as a message of hope, victory, and celebration.
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